trAxx’s iNnEr tHougHts

During my stay here in Cebu, the city has full of surprises to offer….in fact it never fails me in terms of surprising me in finding great food at a very affordable price.

Last night I was with a colleague and he asked me if I would like to join them in a dinner somewhere in Sto Nino Subdivision. When he described the food vis a vis its price it was indeed tempting thus I said yes and join him and his friends for a dinner.

We left at around 7pm off to the 10 Dove Street in Sto Nino Village. From the office it was just 15 minutes road trip to the restaurant. Well, everywhere in the city is just few minutes away thus I was not surprised anymore how quick we reach the restaurant. But I was surprised how great the houses in Sto Nino and how big the lot area of each houses….huge houses with great structural designs. Finally, we arrived at the restaurant.

Initially, we thought it was closed coz there were no people in the restaurant and we can’t seem to find the waiters and cashiers inside. We look around and look at the signage but it says there that they are open. We knock then call names but still nobody’s answering. To my mind this couldn’t be….I want to try their food. Then the friend of my colleague found a bell besides the door then he rung it and few minutes after the lights inside the restaurant were on and somebody opened the door. Once inside my explored the entire place and I was delighted to see how cozy this small place.

Yes, the place is quite small with only 5 small tables for 2 or 3 and 1 big tables for 6 people I think. It was well decorated and the ambience is homey. The restaurant serves a full course gourmet sandwich – with soup, salad, gourmet sandwich and dessert – for a very affordable price. They have good choices of sandwiches and likewise for the salads. I ordered for creamy corn for my soup, bacon potato for the salad, pork something for my sandwich and lemon cake for my dessert. I am quite satisfied and enjoyed very much my food up their desserts of which in mind already thinking when can I go back in this restaurant and bring some of friends for them to experience as well having a great gourmet sandwich here in Cebu.

With such homey place, great food and good companions and friends to share the experience you will end up always your night with a smile. It was a high five for this restaurant. I would highly recommend this place to my friends and colleague.

Looking forward in going back again to 10 Dove Street.

In few hours the year 2008 will come to an end and we will welcome the New Year once more. Another year had passed but it seems like it was only yesterday. Year 2008 was a good year to me at least that’s what I believe hehehe….with few hours left before 2009 I think this is the good time to go back what the significant incidents are happened to me in 2008.

1. January, I was promoted to Manager and with the promotion I was assigned in Cebu to lead the Recruitment Team. T’was a good year in Cebu and I never thought that I will end up liking the lifestyle of Cebu. At first it was difficult as I always compare how my life in Manila and that in Cebu. This was my first struggle maybe because I was new in the place and have not gained friends yet. But as days and months go by I realized that every time I am in Manila I always look forward going back to Cebu. Then from there I realized I enjoy the lifestyle of the Cebu – a city yet every point of destination is few minutes away.
2. February, hhhhmmmmm can’t really recall what happen on this month. Maybe, nothing significant happened here.
3. March, I think it was on this month that I attended the Core Manager School for Enterprise held at Manila Peninsula. I stayed in Manila Pen on the duration of the School.
4. April, with my team in Cebu almost complete we had our first team building in Bantanyan Island. Going to the island is a bit challenge…it was a few hours bus ride to the port then around an hour ride via a sort of cargo ship. When we reached the island I feel like exhausted but with the beautiful beach that you see and the fine sand that you feel in your feet you will get easily energized and run to the beach to the water and soak yourself in. I had a great time and I believe the team also had a blast.
5. May, this was a shopping month with the release of 14^th months pay and the IPB. On this month, I always feel rich hahahaha…..I had a trip in Manila and did some shopping – new set of wardrobes, shoes, etc…It was also at this month that my sister gave me a new Canon EOS 450D. I was so excited when she said that she is coming home and that she will buy me a DSLR camera. Finally, the long wait is over and I got my new Canon.
6. June, my childhood friend died on this month. She was shot by her husband. It was a tragic death. When I heard the news it came as a surprised to me though 3 days before she died we had a serious talked and she opened up on her problems and struggles with her husband.
7. July, I was excited to attend the Basic Photography Class. It was a 2 day workshop with Benjie Ordonez. We are only 5 in the class and the first day is basically a discussion about the usage of the camera and some techniques and the second day is a field trip to practice what we learned. On our second day, we went to Liloan and Danao.
8. August, some of my friends visited me in Cebu and we had a trip in Bohol. We took the ferry ride and had day tour around Bohol. We went to see the Chocolate Hills and visited the Tarsiers. We had our lunch in Lobo River and spent overnight in one of the resort in Panglao. We had fun and of course lots of pictures. It was on this trip that I was able to take good pictures of different churches in Bohol and realized why not collect pictures of different churches then. From there, whenever I go places I try to take photos of interesting churches. Who knows I will be able to do a Photo Exhibit about it later on….
9. September, difficult times at work since it is on this month that we do our deliberations of the performance evaluation. I took part in the deliberation and fight for those I believe a real good performers. I think it was also on this month that we had our Gatimpala Awards Night and I was chosen as one of the judges for our Enterprise Workforce.
10. October, at work we were able to finish the processing for our Student Leadership Conference 2009. We were able to select 8 graduating students from University of San Carlos. We selected 4 from Accounting, 2 from Engineering, 1 from Economics and 1 from Language and Literature.
11. November, we had a Trick or Treat party in the office. There cute kids who went to the office dressed in their scary and others in their interesting costumes. My team won the scariest Halloween décor in the area. Hmmm…I almost forget this was the month our 13^th months pay was released hence I started my Christmas shopping on this month.
12. December, after eight years I went home to my hometown – Romblon – to attend the wedding of my friends Sheryll and Chuck. It was great seeing old friends and old faces in the province where I grew up. I had a great time during my 4 days stay in the province though getting there is still a challenge.

After eight long years, I am forced this time to visit my hometown again because my friend Sheryll is getting married on December 27. It was of the same reason why I went home eight years ago - to attend the wedding of my friend Jeanne. Prior to Jeanne’s wedding it was more than ten years that I visited my hometown.

There were a lot of things happened on my way to Romblon….

• I left Manila on December 24 via Batangas. Here my patience was tested. I am not used to waiting long hours during travel especially if the waiting area is too crowded and hot. My friend and I left Manila at 7AM as we were advised that the boat will depart Batangas at 12NN. We arrived early in Batangas that we were able to spend time in McDonald to eat breakfast and wait…. Apparently, when we were in the terminal already waiting for 12NN departure there were rumors that it will depart at 2PM. Hmmmm I am still relaxed and patient about then another rumor again came and this time they said that it will depart by 5PM….Wwwwwhhhhaaaatttt????? What is disappointing here is that the shipping line is not releasing any official news as to the departure schedule. Everyone in the terminal as all speculating about out departure schedule. There were several ships departed already going to Abra De Ilog (wherever that is…) and we are still in the terminal waiting….waiting…waiting…. We left the Batangas pier at 530PM.

• After many many years, this is my first time again to celebrate Christmas in Romblon (the last time was in 1991). I visited some family friends during Christmas day and in the evening I joined my batch mates in attending the Band Festival – “LiveLoud”. It was organized by one of my classmates in high school thus we are forced to go there in support of his activity.

• The day after the Christmas, I took time to visit the grave of my childhood friend. I asked the help of their family “katiwala” to locate where she was buried. I spend time in her grave and lighted candles. I hope her spirit was there when I visited her…..

• One of my classmates in high school had a resort and we spent the entire afternoon of December 26 there. We brought foods, drinks and called some friends to follow in the resort so we can have time. It was great spending time with your old friends and classmates and reminiscing our experiences and funny moments before. Twas truly a relaxing day.

On my own time, I contemplated and think through what if I just stayed in our province what could have been my life then? The life in the province was so simple and relaxed. You don’t have to rush to get to one place. It seems that every destination is always few minutes away. Every people in the town seem familiar with everyone else. Strangers are easily noticed and they behaved and dressed differently with the rest of the folks in the town.  

Life in the province is admirable and I am proud I spent my childhood days living in the province.

When “Fully Booked” opened in The Terraces – Yes!! Fully Booked has now a branch in Cebu – there is an urge for me to visit it and check out what in store. It was a bit cluttered the night I was there maybe because they just opened and there were a lot of people browsing the books but there was no queue in the cashier. =)

I quickly scan the novels in the shelves and I got 2 books that interest me – Chasing Windmills and The Eight. I bought the books and started reading the Chasing Windmills by Catherine Ryan Hyde.

Chasing Windmills is love story but not the typical love story tough. It has a basic plot of abused battered woman who fall in live and eventually follow her heart. But what is interesting in this novel is the build up of the characters Sebastian (Tony) and Maria.

Sebastian is an only child that was raised by his father. He was told by his father that his mother died years back and that her grandmother is crazy therefore he should not get in touch with her grandmother. His world is very small – revolves only within their house and interaction only with his father. At seventeen, he don’t know the taste of the hotdog and pizza because his father forbids him to eat foods not from their so called home.

Maria is an abused teenaged woman who has 2 kids at an early age. She lives with her partner (not married) together with her 2 kids. Her partner is a young man who happens to always assert his manly hood in their home through violence act towards Maria. Maria thinks that this is the norm of being a housewife. No freedom at all.

One evening while riding the train, Sebastian and Maria’s eyes met and from there their lives changed brought about by the interesting meeting of their eyes. Sebastian personality and behavior was even influenced by his old woman friend that gives him the insights on what the real world is apart from the world he knows. He was taught to take the risk and view the world in different perspective.

Let me borrow one of the paragraphs in the reviews written in Amazon.com

The story is told by Sebastian and Maria in alternating chapters, each from their own perspective as if they are talking to the reader. That enables you to really get to know them. The chapters are not long which makes for a quick read and also makes it nice if you get interrupted or have to stop often. The storyline moves along nicely and never drags. The plot was very good and well thought out. I love the writing style of Ms. Hyde. There’s no fluff, just substance. Aside from the love story between Sebastian and Maria, there were other things happening that gave depth to the story. I don’t want to give anything away, but suffice it to say, this is not just a love story. It’s also a story about choices, consequences and forgiveness. Another thing I loved about this book as a reader is that it didn’t have a predictable ending. I hate predictable! In this case, you didn’t know what was going to happen until close to the end. I thoroughly enjoyed this book and I want to thank Catherine Ryan Hyde for sending it to me. It is definitely one of my favorite books so far this year. I would describe it as a poignant, off-beat romance that is very refreshing. I encourage those of you in book clubs to add this to the list of choices for your club. I assure you there would be interesting discussions based on the material.

I couldn’t agree more to the other reviews that the storyline move swiftly from one chapter to the other without losing the energy and interest of the reader on the story. This is true despite the fact that it was an alternating story between Sebastian and Maria. Language is not colloquial but uses mostly simple words and sentences that I would say very friendly to the readers. The build up of the characters per chapter was great that will keep you move along and want to know more about the character and their decisions to the conflicts of the story.

This is the first novel I have read by Catherine Hyde and I would say this was a great and unconventional story of two hearts. I am excited and looking forward to read the other books of Catherine Hyde. I suggest to include this to your must read list books in 2009.

Yesterday, November 8, is the birthday of my childhood friend. Had she still alive today for sure she’ll have a small “salo-salo” in their place with some friends and her classmates. It was unfortunate that she was not able to celebrate her 33^rd birth date because she died last June 2008 to a tragic death.

My childhood friend is a COMELEC lawyer who was killed by her husband then after the husband killed himself. It was in the news that day but I got to know about the incident when my sister called me at around 6AM to inform me that my childhood friend was shot dead. I was asking for the details but my sister wasn’t able to provide one. She said that she call again once she got more information about what happened.

When I heard the news I was shocked and don’t know how to react. There was flashback in my mind of how happy we were and she being my constant playmate in the province.  We were neighbors in the province and we grew up together. In our early days, we share our stories and talked about her suitors when we were in our high school. Sometimes, if she doesn’t want to see her suitors she will act like she is sick and I will inform her suitors that she is not feeling well. After her suitors left we will laugh out loud about what we did. Well, those were the days.

When we reach college, we seldom see each other already. Though from time to time I do visit their house and share our experiences and stories in school but it was not frequent as I used to visit her before. As we continue our lives and meet new friends, our communication becomes rare but whenever I have time I make sure to visit her and have lunch in their place.

Sunshine is a home buddy lady. She seldom goes out for a gimmick. When she got married I sense that there was something wrong with her life because she never join her friends for a “gimmick” or a night out without her husband beside her. Three days before she died, I was in Manila then and I had this strong feeling that I have to see and visit her. Even on my way to their house, I was still debating in my mind whether I have to proceed or not. But I decided to go and see her anyway. When I arrived in their place, I sense that there was something different - - she and her husband were fighting. The maids and her sisters went out for groceries. She was thankful that I arrived. She fixed herself and went down to join me in their living room. We talked about many things and she shares her stories that she has been keeping it to herself for a long time. Stories about her love life during her college years, her life during the bf-gf relationship with her husband and her life as a married one. I felt happy then because she is again sharing her stories with me. I thought our friendship drifted apart when she got married. But it was only my initial feeling. As she continues to share her stories I wanted to cry with her because she is not happy as to how her married life turns out to be. It was not the life that she imagines her life should be. There were a lot of insecurities and fears develop towards her husband. I shared good words and encourage her looking at life in a positive way. I also encouraged her to start reaching out with her sisters and her mom and share the stories she reveals to me. I left her place when her sisters arrived to ensure that she is safe when I left.

Before I left her place, I made a promised that one day when I am back again in Manila we will go out for a dinner. But it never happens and will never happen anymore. After three days from my visit my childhood friend was shot dead by her husband. What a tragic death she went through.

For you my friend, happy birthday!!! I found these lines from a song and just wanted to share to you wherever you are. . .

                        Life is what we make it and not how it happens

                        It’s how you spend your life which describes a living

                        And in this cycle that we call life

                        We are the ones who are next in line

                        What has life to offer us when we grow old?

                        How about when we our life ends.

 Till then my friend.

Whenever my day turns out to be boring and slow, the first thing I do is to check the INQ7 site and read what’s new in the Opinion section especially the write ups of Conrado De Quiros. CDQ is one of the writers I like best. His opinion speaks of the most people’s thoughts that are afraid to express it. He is very straight forward and never afraid to express himself. Next to CDQ’s column, I also check at the Youngblood and Highblood articles. This gives me a new insights and experiences of regular people who has passion for writing and just wanted to share their ideas in the column.

Just like today, I read an interesting article from the Youngblood column about her life and her relationship with her mother. As I read through the article – “ A Different Setup” – my heart started to melt as I feel the same to my mom only that we have a different set up from what she shared. Every paragraph I read brings back a memory of how my relationship with my mom and how immature my behaviors were before.

My life drama has a different twist from the story in the Youngblood. Let me borrow her phrase “It is one thing when a loved one passes away, and it’s another thing when you know that the person is just out there but you cannot always be with him or her.”

In the story, her parents separated and she thinks it was the logical thing to do for her parents. In my case, my dad died when I was 13 years old because of complications.

Let me share you how painful it was to hear the news that your father died at the time when you were at the party celebrating and much worst to receive such news on a Christmas Day. It was still clear and vivid in my mind the scene where I got the news that my dad died. I was in my friends’ house partying for Christmas and it was 1PM then when I was called by a family friend to break such bad news that changed my life.  It was so sudden that I don’t know how to react but the first thing that cross my mind then is to look for my sister.

My father died on a Christmas Eve, December 24 at 8PM.

At that young age, I felt the pain of losing someone in the family. I felt that my world will collapse anytime without my dad. Life has been different and much difficult without the head of the family that brings everyone together. My curiosity to life has been invigorated. I feel like there were several questions remained unanswered. The situation in the province did not even help me to find the answers I was looking for.

If I feel painful then I can now imagine how much greater the pain that my mom was feeling at that time knowing that she lost her loving husband and partner in life. That she has 4 children all studying – high school and college – to worry about where to get the money to finance our studies. That she has a black sheep child who needs to be guided and motivated to stop drugs and finish school instead. I know this has been difficult to her but we survive and I don’t know how my mom did it. I know it’s not easy but she never stops and never show us that she is giving up. My mom is a ONE TRUE STRONG WOMAN.

Let me close this by sharing the first paragraph in the article “A Different Setup” - -

“She loved me falling off a swing set. She loved me stepping on her floors with muddy shoes. She loved me through vomit and snot and bloody knees. She loved me coming and going, at worst and at my best. She had a bottomless well of love for me.” – Mitch Albom.

Link for the full story of “A Different Setup”: http://opinion.inquirer.net/inquireropinion/columns/view/20081030-169164/A_different_setup

“ A house may be large or small; as long as the neighboring houses are likewise small, it satisfies all social requirement for a residence. But let there arise next to the little house a palace, and the little house shrinks to a hut. The little house now makes it clear that its inmate has no social position at all to maintain.”

Marx, Wage Labour and Capital (1847)

I have been browsing the internet to make myself productive. I am not really sure what I am looking for. Initially, I am thinking of writing a blog but I don’t really know what to write and where to start. So as not to lose the interest of writing I keep on searching the internet…searching for an interesting topic to start off my writing and to keep it going. As I search for an appropriate topic in the net I come across a site with all the quotes from Karl Marx. I am a fan of the works and writings of Marx.

I recall when I was studying there was a point in my college student life where I have been obsessed in reading anything about Karl Marx. This brought me in frequently visiting the library and borrowing books that discusses the writings of Marx. Oftentimes, I do visit the “Popular Bookstore” and bought several books about the theories of Karl Marx. It even come to a point where I enrolled myself in some courses and subjects in AB Philosophy just to further understand the collective works of Karl Marx and Engels.

To put it in a record, I am a Computer Science graduate from one of the University in Manila. Yes it’s by choice that I took the course because it was the “in” thing at that time. No matter how busy and demanding my programming subjects before this does not stop me in prioritizing my hunger for knowledge about Marxism. Understanding Marx has been a priority over passing my subjects. I know it was complex and difficult and this motivated me more to learn it. There was even a semester where I intentionally choose to be under loaded (just enrolled 6 units) in my computer subjects just for me to be able to focus in learning and analyzing the theories of Marx. My mom is not aware of it because my family knows I am a good, smart and obedient student at that time.

At some point, I have been a Marxist and believed in most of marx theories especially his theory about religion. Marx had great influence on my beliefs and of me becoming an atheist. His socialist framework of society is even admirable as a staging point in becoming a communist society. Tackling the socialism and communism would result to a never ending debate and argument thus let’s set aside this topic then as we will never agree anyway.

Let me close this by sharing some quotes from Engels -

“It is becoming equally imperative to bring the individual spheres of knowledge into the correct connection with one another. In doing so, however, natural science enters the field of theory and here the methods of empiricism will not work, here only theoretical thinking can be of assistance. But theoretical thinking is an innate quality only as regards natural capacity. This natural capacity must be developed, improved, and for its improvement there is as yet no other means than the study of previous philosophy.”

Engels, On Dialectics (1878)

Amidst all the disappointments
I still like you
I still long for you
But where will this take me

Amidst all the heart pains
I still always think of you
I still wait for your text messages
But where will this take me

Amidst all the feeling unvalued
I still want to see you
I still want to hold you
But where will this take me

But where will this take me
Questions I have been wanting
To ask you, but only last night
I’ve got the courage to voice it out to you

Then…what happen?

I receive no clear response
Then further disappointments
I feel for you. . . is it worth it?

Please tell me.

traxxprince
10142007

this is one of the poems i wrote to someone special way back then…

After my return from the queen city of the visayas
Life has never been the same
Work concentration has been poles apart
Feelingsare trying to come out

 
When weseparated ways that night
I cling on to your promise – you’ll call me
Promised I keep and hope as I fly back home
Home in thecity of doom

New Years passed
And I waited. . .
Waited too long
Till finally I can’t endure it anymore
In the end, I decided to call.

 
My heart leap when finally I hear your voice
It’s like years since we last talked
Nattered till the dawn breaks
About anything under the moon.

Indescribable feeling I felt that night
When we shared moments
Notwithstanding the danger
For we are both strangers

 
Despite the vastness that divide us
I will be brave like phantoms
To bridge distance that breaks us apart
Distance that hopefully won’t be a gap
To our anxious hearts

traxxprince.01102002

when i was fixing and cleaning things in my locker i suddenly come accross my dairy last 2003 and as i was reading it there is one poem that i interestingly reread while at the same time reminiscing what happened that day….the poem goes like this

TAKING CHANCES

One fine day
I met someone in Greenbelt Mall
Our eyes met
And smiled to each other
To my regrets,
It was all but smile

As I walked away calmly,
I asked myself, 
          Why didn’t I have the courage? 
          Am I contented not to see the person again?
I am not sure
Bothered…
Confused…
Yet I let it rule myself

Resolved that I passed on my chances
That I will never see the person again
When suddenly by the escalator
I looked back
Hoping to find you there
And Yes…
…you are just behind me

I was surprised and excited
Caught off guard
By the events playing in my mind
Then suddenly were faced together
Exchanging numbers

Elated by the feeling…
I felt like clouds floating in the sky…
And I wonder
How the person feels right now?
Excited probably?
Happy most likely?
Smiling Glady?

…on the turn of events
One thing is for sure,
FATE had a hand in all of this
For whatever reason
Yet to be discovered
I am
For now

Thrilled to have you in my arms.

traxxprince.07252003